what keeps it civilized, what keeps it sane
the animal wrenches and writhes
just below the surface
threatening to emerge
at the least convenient moment
I feel the struggle when I’m at my weakest
where do these thoughts come from
the evil words bubble and roil
scum upon the surface
a sickly foam leaking
at the corners of a silent mouth
I recall all that was once in me
I quiver and gag at the weakness displayed
disavow the evil and anger and ignorance
hidden under a surface
of a shimmering mask
and acknowledge that it was real
I wonder how much of the evil
was of me and by me and for me
and how much was instilled in me
the inclination to hate
the disposition to judge
prejudice and bias mocking reality
I ask should I forgive myself
or forever wallow in guilt and remorse
and lie that it wasn’t really me
it was the animal
it was the untamed
that was in control of my heart
5/17
jeg.
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