swaddled in ice to cool the fever
and steeped in morphine to cool the pain
she dreamed of her house
a house she hated
and complained about every day
it was too big too hot too cold
and too hard to clean
as she stared at the wall by her bed i sat
unseen beside her, book in hand
a hole in my stomach, a heart in my throat
waiting for all time to stretch out
she babbled on about the dog
and the mess that he’d made
as he ate, bite by bite
his food from the dish to the floor
and lapped his water
splashing even more
for her to bend and wipe away
day after day, meal after meal
when she was still able
she’s make her simple lunch
a sandwich for her and one for the dog
cut in bite sized pieces, the better to spread
my father called the dog his hearing ear
when, as he sat deaf and clueless,
the phone rang the door chimed or his wife called
the dog scurried about and spoke
either to the desk where the phone sat
or the door leading to the front door
or the hallway leading to the sick room
where she lay helpless
my sister and i returned home reluctantly
full of selfishness and fear
a few minutes and we were gone to see our friends
gone to sweep all thoughts from our minds
until the decline could not be denied
and we sat by her side alternately
praying and wishing and hoping and dreaming
this was the last time i ever prayed
the mindless soulless alien god we worshiped
had abandon us and only logic and reason remained
alongside a heart forever shrunken
and a soul riddled in holes and ripped apart
if my mother ever spoke again i do not know
neither my father nor sister mentioned it
and today I cannot recall telling them
that my mother saw our dog with her last sight
a few days later all went still
the gasping breathe the stuttering heart
and as my father entered the hospital room
i did not have to speak
jeg.
5/5/18
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